Chris Holt, aka The Toy Viking, is back for another blog! This time he discusses the horror of Tax Day!
Is there a worse holiday than Tax Day? Even if you’re single on Valentine’s Day and spend it eating ice cream and posting memes to Facebook about “how strong you are”, Tax Day is still worse. Not only do you not get the day off from work, which is the first sign of a crap holiday, but you may end up owing the government money! I thought this was America, the land of the free and the home of professional wrestling.
Granted, not all of us end up sending a sizable check to fund the security detail at Area 51 (we all know about the aliens, cut the charade and make a reality show already). Some of us actually get money back, which we celebrate by blowing on nonsense like “mortgages” and “falconry classes”. But see even that’s a trick, because you’re only getting back what the government took too much of in the first place. They’re like “thanks for the interest free loan, sucker.”
Another sign of a bad holiday is the lack of greeting cards available to commemorate said holiday. Talk about a red flag when someone doesn’t try to make money off it. They make cards for just about anything but no one in the history of the greeting card industry ever thought that “Happy Pay Your Taxes Day” was better than “Good Luck With The Colonoscopy.” You don’t see cake designs in bakeries, or party favors, and college kids don’t even bother using it as an excuse to throw a party. What more evidence do we need that this holiday be scrapped in favor of one that is far more suited to our country’s unique personality? “National Monster Truck and Beef Jerky Appreciation Day” has a nice ring to it.
Make this Tax Day tolerable with Ron English’s Uncle Scam! Available this Friday, April 15th in stores and on Kidrobot.com! Black and Gold Colorway available exclusively from Kidrobot.com!